Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
