just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
