how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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