Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
