You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
