At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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