What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
