you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
