She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
