i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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