3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
