You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
