there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
