my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
