see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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