there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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