I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
