Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
