do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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