I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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