She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
