I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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