It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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