He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
