Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
