I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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