Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
