Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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