i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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