i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
