Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
