I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
