i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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