I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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