I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
