i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
