He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
