Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
