Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
