just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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