2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
