he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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