Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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