I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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