nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He better not be in your backpack
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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