His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
