I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize