she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
