Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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