if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
