I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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