hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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