They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
