And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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