his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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