All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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