I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
