I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
