I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
