i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
