my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
