Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
