so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
