At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
