I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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