Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
