yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
