I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
