i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
