so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
