So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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