Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
