What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
