What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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