i love accidental penises.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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