shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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