YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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