No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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