I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
