just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
