We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
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I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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