you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
