She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
