I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
