I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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