Your dad touched me again.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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