whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
